- ISBN13: 9781590521359
- Condition: NEW
- Notes: Brand New from Publisher. No Remainder Mark.
Product Description
Joshua Harris’s first book, written when he was only 21, turned the Christian singles scene upside down…and people are still talking. More than 800,000 copies later, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, with its inspiring call to sincere love, real purity, and purposeful singleness, remains the benchmark for books on Christian dating. Now, for the first time since its release, the national #1 bestseller has been expanded with new content and updated for new readers. Honest an… More >>
#1 by KF on June 19th, 2010
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I’ve never reviewed anything on Amazon.com before. But after reading this book and reviewing some of the comments, I had to say something.
First on the book… I think it is an amazing insight into dating in our culture. The book isn’t as much about not dating as it is about realizing the opportunity you have as a single person to work for God. He’s basically arguing that for the amount of time and energy we put into worrying about the person we just met at the bar last night, we have an even better opportunity to use that energy work for and bless God.
He’s not saying anyone can’t date. Rather, he’s questioning the motivations we have behind dating and asking people to really be honest with themselves. One of the reviews posted here on Amazon said something to the effect that “Harris is wrong, I need to date to learn more about relationships and the opposite sex.” Got news for you, this is the exact reason Harris says you shouldn’t be dating. If you view dating in and of itself as a reason to improve your own “dating skills”, you’re using the other person in the relationship. In some of the reviews people are basically saying, “Hey, I need to date that way when I meet the right person I’ll be ready!” Again, this is selfish and speaks to many of Harris’s points about how we use people to refine our opinions of the opposite sex. It’s as if we can take a peice of each person we’ve dated in the past and we’ll combine them into the perfect spouse!
I think the reason this book sparks so much debate is because it really calls some people out in terms of their own dating lives. Harris basically says, “If you’ve been with someone for so long and haven’t figured out if you’re going to marry them, it’s time to move on because all you’re doing is using the other person.” Oooh boy – I can see some people not liking this. But it’s so true!!! He’s saying, “Sex should be saved for marriage.” Again, I’m sure someone will argue, “but I love the person!” – but if you really love the person, you’ll wait.
I guess what’s crazy, especially after reading some of the reviews, is that people believe Harris says we just shouldn’t date at all. Again, please actually read the book. Harris is really saying that we need to reexamine our reasons for dating in the first place and to enter into our relationships with the opposite sex with God’s intentions in mind (selfless love and friendship). He argues we rush into dating to fulfill our romantic needs (needs that only fulfill our selfish emotions and lust), instead of seeing the other person as a friend in Christ.
I would whole heartedly recommend this book to anyone who is single and struggling with their dating life.
Rating: 5 / 5
#2 by Art Bigotti on June 19th, 2010
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I’ve read the book at least three times. I developed a Sunday School based on it and taught it to a group of about 20 young adults. Some found it very good and some found it to be impractical. One thing it did do was create a lot of thought about where dating fits in the life of a believer. I’ve read a number of the negative reviews in this section and found that many obviously didn’t understand the book (or probably didn’t even read it). While the Harris book can be applied in a legalistic manner, I don’t think that was Harris’ intention. I used the book to talk about having a Christ-focused life. In this context, the single person has to ask, what role does dating play in my life? I think Harris brings out some very good principles about intimacy (not just sexual) and other elements of the consequences of dating. Who we are at the core (foundational to true intimacy) is truly reserved for God, and then for our future spouse. We should be stewards of this. It shouldn’t just be given to anybody recklessly. Many of us spend our intimacy foolishly and then in marriage have little to give that is unique and special and that hasn’t become common given to a number of people through a number of relationships.
The book is a good starting point for a single believer as long as it is kept in the context of developing a Christ-focused life. It is weak in its lack of depth and stark black and white assertions. I imagine that as he gets older and grows in wisdom, Harris will be able to fine tune his thesis and present an argument that has greater weight. I applaud him for his insight and his contribution to the lives of many who want to have a Christ-focused life. To those who don’t agree with the book…so what. Do as you wish, see where it takes you, and if you gain any insight and grow in Christ, write your own book. I am amazed at the many who critisize the book as if Harris crashed into their homes and forced them to change their lives at gun point.
Rating: 3 / 5
#3 by Shantelle on June 19th, 2010
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I am 25 years old, and I have dated since I was 16, moving from boyfriend to boyfriend as soon as possible. I always felt lonely if I didn’t have someone to hold hands with, kiss, snuggle with, etc. But every one of my nine relationships ended in someone getting hurt because one of us was not ready to make the big commitment. I also ended up having intimate relations, as it is very difficult to say no when you are in a relationship for a long time. (I know of only a handful of 20+ people who have accomplished this.) After ending my most recent relationship, this book looked very appealling. I read it and I was all set to give up dating. Now that my hurt and anger have diminished, the books advice gets hard to follow, especially being the holidays…however…
I have never been so happy with the direction my life is taking, and it’s getting easier every day. For anyone reading this review, please take heart and give this way of living a chance. The bad reviews sound like they are coming from people who do not have the conviction or will power to give up intimacy. You will meet many, many men/women like this, and they make it very hard to stick to your guns. And others make it sound like living like this makes it impossible to meet people – not true! You meet people of the same sex and become freinds, don’t you? Just treat the opposite sex the same way while you are getting to know them! (Very hard, but not impossible!) And just let me say – for those who think that Joshua Harris did not have enough experience or was old enough to know what he was talking about, I believe it is God’s message, through Josh, we are hearing when we read I Kissed Dating Goodbye. Please give it a chance – you will not regret it! I’ve gotten so many rewards already.
Rating: 5 / 5
#4 by Chris Cowen on June 19th, 2010
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Wow! Wow! Do not hesitate in getting this book. I’m going to read it a 2nd time. Good thing I had a couple red pens because the first one went dry due to the need to underline so many wonderful, Godly points. Joshua Harris is remarkably mature and insightful for his age (early 20s).
I’m 26 and now “I’ve kissed dating goodbye,” too. Having been incredibly hurt (and also causing an incredible amount of hurting) in my last supposedly-Christian relationship, the new, God-centered approach he outlines seems like exactly what God would have me do. I’ve learned to be content in this “season of singleness” and to seek to serve God and prepare for the future He has for me.
Harris’ prayer for us is God’s prayer (Phillipians 1:9-11, “That your love my abound more and more in knowledge and insight so that you may be able to discern what is best and be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruits of righteousness…”) This is just one of literally tens of Biblical references that guides Harris every step of the way.
If I could have one wish, it was that I would have read this book in 11th grade, before I started dating. It would have saved me (and my ex-girlfriends) a lot of hurt. Thankfully, all things are made new in Christ, and it’s never to late to be made new!
This book would also be great for married people! In fact, I gave a copy to my mom, both so that she can better understand her children, and also so that she can read about Harris’ insights into God-centered relationships.
Harris challenges us to serve our brothers and sisters in Christ by protecting both our and their purity, and by not pursuing romantic relationships, contact or activities until God has prepared us and has given us the person He would have us be with. No, he doesn’t advocate becoming a hermit. On the contrary, his approach teaches us to cultivate deeper (100% Godly) relationships with members of the opposite sex, carried out only in group settings, so “that nothing need be hidden.” I’ve now got a “passion for purity” in relationships and life in general! While we can never completely eliminate sin, we are either progressing toward or away from purity. Previously, I had been stepping away too often.
It also lays out a Godly path for dealing with tough situations in relationships. And it concludes with a helpful section on how to move toward marriage with a potential spouse in a Godly-fashion when God has ordained the “when” and the “who”! Rather than being an “obligation” to wait to date, Harris presents it in a way that makes me feel priveleged to serve God (and myself and His Children) in this way.
Harris also includes many good references for further reading. I’m reading one of those books now, called “The Rich Single Life” by C.J. Mahaney. It’s also outstanding.
I guarantee you’ve never read a book on relationships like this. As Harris says, “this is not a “how to date” book but a “how to break up with dating book!”" It’s impossible to say too many good things about this book.
I’ve learned the importance of preparation, service, humility, contentedness, prayer, purity, love, gentleness, self-control, patience, knowledge, tenderness, compassion, vision, listening, and so much else.
I’m literally on-line right now buying a case of this book to give away to friends & family. I’ve already given away 3 copies. In the inscription on my brother’s (age 16) copy, I wrote “This may be the most important gift I’ve ever given you.”
I would strongly encourage anyone, whether in a relationship or not, Christian or not, to get this book and STUDY it immediately. It will change your life, too!
Rating: 5 / 5
#5 by Tim Champ on June 19th, 2010
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Some of the other people who have written reviews seem to miss the point – It’s not about “not dating” it’s about not having the mentality of dating. Our culture places hope in breakup after breakup, and the only thing it has done is make our divorce rate go through the roof. What we need is a return to respect for God and respect for purity.
What Josh is trying to say is that we need to get rid of this idea of dating anyone who passes by, and instead wait to get to know someone as a friend, see how they act, see how they communicate. Once we get to really know them(something that never happens in a dating relationship because of the “feelings” you have) then we can decide if persuing a relationship would be the best thing.
I’m a guy, and unlike another reviewer, I still hold with Josh. Challenge your beliefs about dating, it will be worth it. Read his second book “Boy meets Girl”. He’s honest about his relationship with his wife. How he met her, how he pursued, and how he stayed pure until his wedding day. That’s what it is all about.
Rating: 5 / 5
#6 by Steve240 on June 20th, 2010
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You might find my blog of interest where I critique Josh Harris’s book.
http://www.ikdg.wordpress.com
I Kissed Dating Goodbye: Wisdom or Foolishness?
Unfortunately Josh Harris is quick to point out the problems with dating but reluctant to share any of the problems with his approach.
Hope this helps.
#7 by David Adrian C Abreu on June 24th, 2010
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hmm i learn a lot of things after i finished reading this book. i praise God for what he has done for me after all my mistakes on my relationship to others. I just seek for the things that would make myself happy instead of guarding the heart of girls that i met. im selfish, and i admit that. there are still girls who flirt me, and i think that is my chance to share them what God taught me. Instead of dating them and having a relationship, i use that opportunity to give tell them my testimony.
Lets praise God. and thank you Harris for sharing your thoughts especially to us the YOUTH.